Welcome to my other blog. I started this one shortly after graduating from the C.I.A, to differentiate between my food and my other thoughts. It's a cozy little place with frequent weird but real, honest thoughts.

There's really not much more to say here, as anything mildly interesting is either down below or written in my Armadillo section above.
Hope you can relate to some of my thoughts and situations, even if they tend to be strange sometimes

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

NF: No news is good news.

"No news is good news" can be interpreted differently based on your perception or punctuation.

"No news: is good news"
"No news is good news"-
Did I mention typing "news" six seven times has made it look weird? I guess Neurofibromatosis can be seen just like that, Either None of the news is good, or no news whatsoever is good.
Since this blog I've written about my own person experience with my own mild NF that I haven't got much more to say on the subject. I'm emotionally out of things to say. (My last post was, I am embarrassed to admit was two years ago. Last year I was so shamefully overwhelmed with Bridely duties I couldn't focus on much else) But my last 2011 NF post said it all. 
So what else am I to say today? I still feel the same. Still on that Need-To-Know-Basis. But if someone happens to locate my confession here, it's cool. My feeling is I always wanted people to see me first. That Little NF thing was secondary. If I was weird and awkward and kind of slow to understand, I wanted it to be because of me, not my disorder. Because my disorder has never been and never will be That Excuse. If I'm shy and emotional and explosive at the same time, I want it to be because I'm Mildly-Hot-Tempered-Jenn. Not NF related Learning Disabled/Insecure/Weird/EmotionallyInsane/NervePain/SleepDisordered/SociallyAwkward Jenn. Who has NF. And is the reason why she so weird.
Anyway.

It's cool, you know? I'm weird. I'm different, and I'm kind of cool with it. I have a husband, a job, and a car THAT I NOW OWN FREE AND CLEAR. Something I am exceedingly proud of. My life is settling into something I like.

My main NF concerns are when will it progress and finding a genetic cousnler in the next 1-2 years to determine my genentic risk of passing this onto my future children. But my NF isn't even on the back burner. More like freezer burnt and forgotten in the ice box. It'll come to me sometimes. I'm sorry for saying that. I know it is incredibly insensitive and a luxury to those who have NF or have children with NF more moderate than my own.
But you know what my biggest fear is? Not just the risk of passing it onto my kids. But the fear that what if I get genetically tested and it turns out I don't have NF? Can you imagine? Something so mild yet so apart of who I am and who I've become amounting to zero. I'm a hypocrite, because I say "I'd rather people just think I'm weird" but I think "All that time I was weird and insecure for NO REASON" It would be earth shattering.
Like I say in all these NF posts; whatever happens will happen. I'm still gonna worry about it, but I can't fix it.

May is NF Awareness Month. We put a LOT OF time on Autism. I want to say almost too much time. Why not NF?