Welcome to my other blog. I started this one shortly after graduating from the C.I.A, to differentiate between my food and my other thoughts. It's a cozy little place with frequent weird but real, honest thoughts.

There's really not much more to say here, as anything mildly interesting is either down below or written in my Armadillo section above.
Hope you can relate to some of my thoughts and situations, even if they tend to be strange sometimes

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Constantly Thankful

It's the kickoff for the time of year to give thanks, be grateful for what you have and to spread joy and love to everyone.

Except I don't really feel the pull.


As cheesy and corny and fake as it sounds, I feel happy and grateful all year. It's a state of amazement that you are where you are in life.

Just think, for a moment, all the choices, situations and moments in your life. The hundreds of thousands of moments that led to this one. It goes farther back than your own existance. The millions of moments in the lives of your past generations led you exactly to where you are.

In his book "Drop Dead Healthy" A.J. Jacobs writes about his grandfather hearing a speech:

"Well, it was about the sheer improbability that we even exist. The strange fact that out of  millions of people in the world, your mother and father met and decided to get married to each other. And out of the millions of sperm, that one with your genes was the one that made it to the egg."

I think about all the millions of choices that led up to meeting my husband. If I hadn't chosen to go to the C.I.A later in the year, if I didn't pick that bad extern site. If I didn't briefly date and have a bad breakup. If I didn't choose to go to a dorm event. Can you imagine? Any of these small choices even slightly altered could change the course of my life.

I feel so deeply lucky and grateful I met Matt. I'm so thankful for him and his companionship and love. I feel lucky that we ended up together because the circumstances on our meeting were nearly an impossibility.  It boggles the mind that all the decisions in our life, that this force makes us who we are and where we end. I can't allow myself to dwell around these thoughts very long because I can't wrap my mind around the sheer luck and force and situations that makes us who we are.

This Thanksgiving morning, Matt and I are watching "Mankind: The History of all of us" and it's mind boggling. The history of all of us, the wars, the inventions, developments shaping the world as we now know it. I'm thankful to be apart of a loving family. I'm thankful to be working and to be happy and healthy.

I don't want to end this preaching about being grateful for what you have and not wishing for what you want. Or to take time for the little things. I don't think that is something you can force. You have to allow it to happen, to enter inside of you and fill you up with love and thankfulness. If we could all do that, we wouldn't need holidays to make excuses to see each other or cook nice meals. We would just naturally do it. We would all love and enjoy our families. We would all volunteer more to help those who aren't as lucky as us. The world would just naturally be a better place.
So maybe that is a little preachy. But hopefully over time, we can all feel lucky, need less stuff and give more love and care.

Friday, November 2, 2012

We're on Day Five of no power. When I returned from work at about 1pm Monday afternoon, the winds were gusty and a light rain was falling. The power flicked off at about 3pm. Flicked off again and stayed off. This was highly unusual. We enjoyed full power, internet and heat privileges last year for Irene. We've never gone more than 24-hours without power in my living memory. So this is new.
 At work, we've at least tripled our sales. People come in with the same shell shocked expression I've come to have. We're all dumbfounded. But for different reasons I'm sure. I would be more okay with this if it weren't so goddamn freezing.  I'd be okay with this if the town where I work had power. It's not just one buttered bagel, it's four buttered bagels, three bacon egg and cheese and three cream cheese bagels. All toasted, thanks. The other day we ran out of eggs. Eggs! God help me, I'm happy that we can give people hot coffee and a warm place to charge their stuff, but honestly, it's draining and frustrating.
Unlike most people in this area under the age of 30, I can live without the cable, the internet or facebook. I can live without lights. What I am becoming is more and more mentally exhausted by is the lack of heat and $800/hrs at work. Matt and I sleep under two heavy winter comforters and a non-working electric blanket. Your hair gets cold, your lips become chapped and your hands become so cracked with cold you cant wear your wedding rings. Now I know why they wore kerchiefs and caps in those old days.

But still, I'm grateful. We lucked out. We have running water, flashlights and a ton of clearance Halloween candy. We're cold, but safe and without damage of house or cars. Some people can't return to their homes, so I can live inconveniently and cold for a while longer. Right now I'm grateful to be sitting at the library, charging my iPod and trying to tap out a few meager sentences here. I'm grateful to be heading to the gym shortly for the best damn hot shower I will ever experience in my life.