Welcome to my other blog. I started this one shortly after graduating from the C.I.A, to differentiate between my food and my other thoughts. It's a cozy little place with frequent weird but real, honest thoughts.

There's really not much more to say here, as anything mildly interesting is either down below or written in my Armadillo section above.
Hope you can relate to some of my thoughts and situations, even if they tend to be strange sometimes

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Early, but not really

I'm a little tired this morning. I woke up at 5 and slept surprisingly well- Trader Joe's Bedtime Tea has to have something heavy in it, I was able to get to sleep by 11.

I'm planning on waking up at 3:45 to start. I figure that'll give me 15 minutes of lesiurely waking up, dressing and getting ready time, 25 minutes to wake up mentally so I'll be able to drive, and to eat, 5 minutes to wait around to go, and out the door by 4:30 to get there early on my first day.

I'm usually pretty good at waking up pretty throughly at such early hours. I'm more or less a morning person, and to have a reason to get up that early is enough of a reason to be fully awake and ready to work.

Still, I'm a little sleepy today. I hate being sleepy so early in the morning. It makes me feel like a lazy youth. I think I'm going to have a relatively calm day. If I get bored enough from being awake in the house sine 5 am (and I probably will) I'll go for a walk, but other than that, nothing too crazy. The only thing I'm really doing today is going with my mom and sister for a belated mother's day tea at a tea house in Darien.

It's only 8:27 and I'm already bored. Lucky for me, I'll be at work during the morning.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Telltale signs I need to get a life

1a) Lost time reading hilarious blogs: http://evanschiller.blogspot.com/ and http://kidicarus222.blogspot.com
1b) http://www.foundmagazine.com/
1c) http://www.drewbacca.com/html/index.php?p=54&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1
2) That's about it.

Mother's Day

Our family isn't sure what to do for Mother's Day. Not exactly. My mother has tons of flowers in her little flower area: a dozen orchid plants, and others throughout the house. I can't bring myself to get bouquets of flowers. How is giving someone a bunch of dying flowers and having them die all week showing someone how you feel about them?

My mother says she doesn't care what we do and we'll "figure it out" this weekend. But that's not fair to us. We want to give my mother a nice weekend, and she should be a little receptive to ideas. We want to cook her a nice dinner, and have my sister and I take her to a Tea House in town for lunch on the weekend. I think that's a nice day. I'll be extra sure to keep the house extra clean- all month (not just the weekend) and do what I can to help out even more. I'm not sure what else to do or to give her. Mother's Day Gifts seem so cliche and not really thoughtful. Chocolate? Flowers? Giftcards? Cell phones? Is this really showing Mom we love her? I saw a commercial for Sears to buy Mom large appliances, Stoves, Dishwashers and Refrigerators..."Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Bake me cookies!" That's as bad as giving her a vacuum.
Cell phones are a bad gift for anyone unless it's for your own child. "Happy Birthday/Christmas/Valentine's /Mother's Day! Have a cellphone with a plan you have to pay for!"
Why do we have such pressure to buy gifts for anyone? Society pressures us to buy things to show love and affection. Why can't we show care for our Mothers by helping out more? Taking them to a place you know they'd like? We shouldn't have this guilt ridden need to buy, buy, buy. It's ingrained in us to buy things. We shouldn't stand for it and feel like we need to spend all this money on someone to prove something. And we feel like we have to, we don't want to disappoint the person we're giving to.

I'm a fairly low-maintenance person. I don't like flowers, I don't like diamonds. It doesn't take too much to make me happy. But I don't know if other people really are also. When my mother says (or any mother says) we don't have to do anything, we wonder if she really means it. Girls are peculiar like that. We infrequently say how we really feel or what we really want. "Oh, you don't have to do anything!" from a mother could mean "Well, I'd like flowers and not to cook." But they don't want to tell you that. They want us to figure it out, because they shouldn't have to tell us. I know how it is, I'm a girl too, I know how we do things. But it shouldn't be like that. Life would be so much easier and happier for us all if we just told people what we liked when they asked us: Don't say "I don't know what to have for dinner." When you really want steak. Don't say "Oh, rent any movie" when you really want to get the latest release.

We all need to speak up. I understand we don't want to impose or be a bother, but I think we'd all be a lot happier if we just expressed our needs. I know I'm very opinionated, and I tell it like it is, but I'm like that a lot too. We don't want to be imposing or make someone do something they may not want to do. But if we spoke up, especially all the mothers out there, we could save some stress and unhappiness to create a much better Mother's Day, and everyother day out there for everyone.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Shy and Ramblings of an nervous Job seeker

Why am I so shy!? I want to submit something to Relish magazine, but why would anyone want to publish someone fresh out of college?
We'll see....I might try it. I just hate that I lack confidence in things like work. I'm painfully socially shy and feel like I would do something wrong and cause many problems and much anger from my employer....Damn externship.... I want to work, and I want a job, but I don't think I can do it. There are probably more qualified people and I just don't want to screw anything up for anyone.
But I don't want to be here forever. I want to be independent, on my own in an apartment somewhere, making money, getting my writing together.


I worry too much. I wish I didn't. I worry about everything. Jobs, money, the environment, everything. I just want to be able to look for a job without wondering why anyone would want me or if I can handle it.

I'm shy, I worry, I am outgoing, but only under odd situations: when I'm around certain people and when it -really- matters, like job interviews, on the phone, speaking to adults, and (back when I was a server at Apple Pie Bakery for a class) with customers....So maybe it would work for me. I don't know. I like working with people, I like customers, and kids...but really...what kind of job can i handle? I can't ice a cake well, and have difficulty with making things pretty....and I can't explain that to anyone. I've given up. My mom brags about her pastry chef daughter, and it makes me mad sometimes....because I dont feel like a pastry chef....just someone who has a degree in baking and pastry who really enjoys baking and making things....but that last step of presentation is so hard for me....

I'm such a mess.....I'm sorry I have such issues with these kinds of things. I really am a capable person, reliable, professional, sense of urgency and getting things done. I'm motivated, friendly, more or less smart...so why shouldn't I be confident....I don't know....This would just be my very first real real job and it makes me a little nervous.


I think I will give Relish a shot and send in a query, who knows what will happen but I really should try. Taped to my monitor is a fortune from a cookie that says "Nothing is impossible to you" I take that as a good omen, and hopefully, it will turn out to be true.