Welcome to my other blog. I started this one shortly after graduating from the C.I.A, to differentiate between my food and my other thoughts. It's a cozy little place with frequent weird but real, honest thoughts.

There's really not much more to say here, as anything mildly interesting is either down below or written in my Armadillo section above.
Hope you can relate to some of my thoughts and situations, even if they tend to be strange sometimes

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Externs and delayed words


Over the years I started and stopped a number of blog posts that involved an open letter to my previous-previous job. Most of them were angry, but they were also true. But this isn't that. It's an apology.
For years I've felt very badly over the externs with whom I worked a few years ago.

Girls, I wanted to say I am very, very sorry. As a C.I.A grad I knew it was my duty to look out for you. I was supposed to take care of you and whatever problems arose. And I didn't. This is particularly awful of me because my externship was horrific. Probably just about as awful as yours probably was.

I should have taken better care of you. I only once told Her off that day one of you worked a 24 hour shift. I had just returned to work after an approximetly 1 hour nap and 5 minute shower at about 2 am on Thanksgiving morning. I saw one of you STILL there and was shocked, angry and disgusted. Not at you, of course, but at her. And him. I was furious.

She was bitching how "mommy" had to call and I curtly and not so kindly told her that you had worked a 24 hour shift and how that was really pretty shitty. I wish I told her more. I wish I theatened to call the school, to have them shut down her as an extern site. But I didn't have the balls. When I quit December 31st, 2009,  I went to the school within two weeks to personally tell the extern office about them. I hope they are no longer a site but I am truly afraid they still are.

I'm so sorry. You girls were all so talented, smart, strong and very kind to a weird girl like me. You were tough and stuck it out. I hope you are all in a much better place because you deserve to be in a place where you love what you do about 80% of the time (let's be honest, work can suck sometimes) and you make enough money.  Having you girls around made the place less lonely. Not just less lonely, but less Alone, you know? It wasn't just Me against the Irrational People.

I didn't want to post anything about this particular job before now because I was worried a boss, or an associate or someone who could get me into major trouble/fired would read this, and think I was unprofessional.

But the thing is, I like my current job. I'm terribly shy and nervous all the time because I'm so used to working with Crazy/Unfit/Burnt-Out bosses that when I come across a kind one like I have now, it seriously throws me.
 I can adapt to crazy. I can adapt to unfit. Adapting to nice and Someone Who Seems to Get How to Treat People, is harder.  Yes, I am so neurotic and socially awkward that when people are nice to me, I was weary and suspicious. It's not you, it's me.

So I don't care if the former-former aforementioned bosses "Her" and "Him" read this. "Him" barely can read past a 4th grade level and "Her" is so busy belittling everyone else that she doesn't have time to read this. It really doesn't matter to me.  Also, I don't think I have any evidence left of my old jobs anywhere on either blogs, so unless you know my personal work history you don't know who I mean.

And I would never actually do this to any other job I have ever or will ever work. I liked my old job, and I like my new one even better.  I like my co-workers, I like the quiet moments and the busy moments. I have almost mastered the perfect cappuccino, which is kind of rad. I'm pretty happy, but definitely glad to be there. I wouldn't make marshmallows and cookies for people I didn't like.

This old-old job is just a special case.

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