"Hey, married girl, do you feel any different?" A regular cheerfully asks me. I barerly need to consider the question
"No, not really!" I laugh. "Matt and I were together six years and lived together for two before we got married."
"I felt a lot different after I got married. More responsibility" He says, taking a pull of his diet coke.
"I dont, it's funny. I mean, we're happy we got married, but I feel like nothing has changed." I glance at my wedding band, a habit I notice myself doing several dozen times a day, and consider......
Matt and I have been married a month. Not much has changed. I try to feel different. A new life? A "new" future? A new last name?
Honestly, while you are the complete center of attention for one fabulous day is great and special, weddings are truly only special and one-of-a-kind to those in it. Weddings happen every single day. I glance automatically at ring fingers, looking for a wedding band, comparing the excessive diamonds on the women's fingers to the simple pretty silver bands on the men's. I easily suppress an urge to exclaim "You're married!? I'm married too!!" Though I think it every time. I cringe at the amount of diamonds on their finger.
A lot of women in this area are married I've come to notice. And now I am one of them. It's perfectly ordinary. If you've been reading this blog long, or at all, you know ordinary and average is something I attain to. Not the weird one, or the strange one. Though my family insists that I'm not. To which I reply "Have we met?" Not socially awkward. Just like everyone else. A married woman. Picking up the house (or trying to). Cooking meals, going to work, or to the gym.
Just like a normal life. I think to myself "I could actually swing this." A married life. Do people actually feel different after they get married? Maybe I will when my name change goes through (a task I look forward to and dread getting moving). But if I don't, I don't. I don't know if this is my mind instinctively downplaying things with low expectations of if I'm being realistic. This isn't a freakin' tea party or playing house. It's a real marriage. Life isn't this party of good feelings and delusions of specialness.
Anyway. I think I can get used to this normal life. Maybe someday I'll aim for that traveling the world, bungee jumping, sky diving life. But right now, things are nearly perfect.