When the hell did I become so old? I mean, one minute I'm in high school, worrying about mid-terms, fitting in and my future, and ten years later, I'm right in the middle of my future, but now it's now.
The future never comes because it always becomes the present. Plans and hopes and dreams will never come if you don't put yourself out there. "The Future" is a dreamworld.
Anyway. 25. Damn. I'm farther than I expected myself to be at this age. Or at least better than I had expected. Employed. In an apartment. With a fiance. Fiance!? Whaaaaaat?! Who'd want to marry you, Jenn? Weird fast talking Jenni? Wanting-to-dye-her-hair-purple-at-15 Jenni?
.....Yeah. I'm shocked, too. Despite all my weirdness, insecurities, and awkwardness, a guy actually wants to spend time with me. Crazy, right? The insecure pubescent girl never leaves our sub conscience.
But I'm well past puberty. Which, God willing, means my current NF status will most likely stay the way it is. Maybe it will accellerate a bit, maybe a lot. I don't know. NF is known to accerlate during puberty. As far as I know, I've been fine. A blip or two on MRI scans, but nothing bad. Nerve pain, moodiness, learning disabilities and poor motor skills. That's been about it. And my spots.Very mild and very lucky. Very very.
I'm 25. I find that so weird and bizarre. I'm an adult. I don't feel like an adult. I feel like I'm playing the part of an adult: going to work, paying my bills, cooking dinner, cleaning an apartment, planning a future. It's just a game.
I think a lot of my generation feels this way. We're all just playing. Going to school or jobs. Pretending. But we're in our 20's. Almost 30. When are we going to accept that we are adults and we really should start to play the part? Or are we redefining adulthood?
I feel like another year older with good health is another win. Another clean MRI. Another year without any bumps. New spots may appear, old ones may fade. But I'm good. I'm alive. I'm healthy. I know people without NF don't understand this, especially when my case is this mild, but a year of good health with anyone with any disorder or condition is pretty awesome.
Anyway, this is getting silly. I'm 25. It's not like I'm turning 21, or 30, or anyother milestone age. This is just another day.
No big words of wisdom here...Well, maybe "Life is short." Live it up. You never ever know what's going to happen.
Or "Always be yourself." "Let your freak flag fly." "Never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up.".
Or "It's never going to stay this hard."
Or "You will weigh a few pounds more in the colder months than the warmer months. It's supposed to be like that."
Or "You need to tell people how much you love/appreciate/respect/care about them, because you just never know."
Or maybe "It's okay to have that danish."
Or "Be okay with who you are. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Or "Slow down!! It's okay you did nothing on your day off!!" (This one is hardest for me. If I spend a whole day doing nothing, I get really angry at myself.)
Or "Life is too short to let people who don't even matter to you stress you out!"
Or maybe "If someone upsets me, I think of what background I know about, and what they've gone through. If you think about it, you might realize they can't help being defensive, insecure and aggressive." This doesn't excuse their actions, but it makes me realize they might really not be able to adequately control their emotions.
Anyway, I think that's it. Happy National Coming Out Day and Sausage Pizza Day!!!!