Welcome to my other blog. I started this one shortly after graduating from the C.I.A, to differentiate between my food and my other thoughts. It's a cozy little place with frequent weird but real, honest thoughts.

There's really not much more to say here, as anything mildly interesting is either down below or written in my Armadillo section above.
Hope you can relate to some of my thoughts and situations, even if they tend to be strange sometimes

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Shy and Ramblings of an nervous Job seeker

Why am I so shy!? I want to submit something to Relish magazine, but why would anyone want to publish someone fresh out of college?
We'll see....I might try it. I just hate that I lack confidence in things like work. I'm painfully socially shy and feel like I would do something wrong and cause many problems and much anger from my employer....Damn externship.... I want to work, and I want a job, but I don't think I can do it. There are probably more qualified people and I just don't want to screw anything up for anyone.
But I don't want to be here forever. I want to be independent, on my own in an apartment somewhere, making money, getting my writing together.

I worry too much. I wish I didn't. I worry about everything. Jobs, money, the environment, everything. I just want to be able to look for a job without wondering why anyone would want me or if I can handle it.

I'm shy, I worry, I am outgoing, but only under odd situations: when I'm around certain people and when it -really- matters, like job interviews, on the phone, speaking to adults, and (back when I was a server at Apple Pie Bakery for a class) with customers....So maybe it would work for me. I don't know. I like working with people, I like customers, and kids...but really...what kind of job can i handle? I can't ice a cake well, and have difficulty with making things pretty....and I can't explain that to anyone. I've given up. My mom brags about her pastry chef daughter, and it makes me mad sometimes....because I dont feel like a pastry chef....just someone who has a degree in baking and pastry who really enjoys baking and making things....but that last step of presentation is so hard for me....

I'm such a mess.....I'm sorry I have such issues with these kinds of things. I really am a capable person, reliable, professional, sense of urgency and getting things done. I'm motivated, friendly, more or less smart...so why shouldn't I be confident....I don't know....This would just be my very first real real job and it makes me a little nervous.

I think I will give Relish a shot and send in a query, who knows what will happen but I really should try. Taped to my monitor is a fortune from a cookie that says "Nothing is impossible to you" I take that as a good omen, and hopefully, it will turn out to be true.


  1. You will never know for sure until you try. Doubt of what could have been is what always gets me. That is what sometimes motivates me.

    Matthew Good

  2. A friend of mine works as a writer for a local CA magazine and she's still in college. Don't let age deter you, you can do it!


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